But i feel now upon reopening this, that the hill, for the most part in that instance, was definitely physical at one point…
But now, a couple of months later, this post takes on a new meaning for me.
As many of you, well … most of you are aware, i quit my job in July to pursue other interests. I didn’t have a plan, i didn’t have a back up and i didn’t even know how long i could technically be out of work for – because, well that shit is scary.
I’ve worked, and had worked from pay to pay for the last 5+ years at my previous job. Never quite earning enough to get ahead, I was just getting by, most weeks. If i managed to save something up, something would come in, money would go out. Just living the average Australian Dream.
So when I gave notice, I knew, that I had exactly a fortnight’s pay worth behind me. and after that, well.
I just hoped to the big fella that things would work out. closed my eyes took a deep breath and walked out the door.
I packed up my car and arrived in Adelaide, I had been running BRB for the most part from a little kitchen in the Western Suburbs, and hoped that I could make it work, without the security blanket of trading my time for money in a job I didn’t truly enjoy.
By day 3 the nerves sat in, I know I know, it was day 3, cool your jets right? well, i guess in a way I should have – because I became so focused on finances and being able to pay bills that the *quick and *easy fix was to find a job, turn up get paid. have something certain in place, and then work it out from there, you know live the dream and be right back where I started. In a Job that didn’t really make me happy, doing shit that didn’t really matter …..
well, 3 days turned into 3 weeks, and 3 weeks quickly turned into a month… and then some.
I became so focused on finding a job … that I neglected to recognise the huge shifts I had made in my life, in the last year, I had started my own business, I quit my job, I moved states, now for me that’s fucking reckless … And all without a plan.The routine bubble had officially been popped, but when faced with the excitement of being completely in control of what I got to do with my time, I freaked out, and the first thing I wanted to do was run straight back into the arms of the comfort?! of a minimum wage, the comfort of knowing that if i sucked it up, for 40 hours a week somewhere behind some desk that i would be ok…
WHAT THE HELL LOT
So where is this jumble of words going you may ask? well, i guess it’s heading down a moral path, smelling the professional roses along the way and finding out that sometimes, just sometimes they do in fact smell like poopoo. Thanks Outkast.
When something legitimately wells up in your stomach and has your internal monologue working overtime shouting NOPE NOPE, JUST NOPE. take notice.
This is relevant to me in a business sense, but is pretty broad – in relationships, investments, jobs, friendships, anything where there is an exchange of emotional, mental, physical, creative or financial trade this is relevant.
In the back of your mind, if you think you’re getting a bum deal, you probably are. sorry.
In the last month I have been so clouded by my prior understanding of how I thought life “should” be, I started to make other people’s investments MY priorities, and for what? I really reverted back to being, well, average I guess. and there’s nothing wrong with that. nothing at all, it works out fine for a lot of people. But it wasn’t working for me.
So when I thought about what I had achieved in such a short amount of time, on my OWN, with NO ONE to help me, the choices I had made, both right and wrong,
the long nights, the huge Km’s spent driving, back to back hours at work, the hours spent behind a computer screen, the picking, packing, writing, posting, curating, managing, sitting on the floor at midnight in the lounge room eating plain rolled oats and water because thats all i had … the tears – that was all me. I did that shit. I’m completely capable. And I’m completely capable of doing something that genuinely makes me happy.
I DID IT, I HAVE DONE IT, HELL IM DOING IT RIGHT NOW!
so i had been completely undervaluing my own worth – which was being dictated to me regularly from outdated awards and followed by lengthy job descriptions. When it comes to business, people want value for money and they want to spend the least amount possible and squeeze the most of out it.
So yes In this instance yes, it’s about money … kind of, which to some may be crude but let me finish – it only matters because if you’re doing something for 5 days of the week that you don’t really love for someone else, you’d wanna make sure as hell that you are getting paid what that time is worth, if they can’t do it themselves. they NEED YOU. And when that time that YOU invest of yourself, starts to affect your relationships or impact your personal life or your own goals < you know … the SHIT that ACTUALLY matters, cause at the end of the day, your job sure as hell aint gonna pull your slippers out for you, make you a cup of tea or get out of bed to go to the midnight pharmacy at 10pm to get you jellybeans and a thermometer and look after you when your sick…
in amongst all the stress of awkwardly taking the *easy route back down to average-vile and finding myself in the centre of town still a bit lost.
I realised that I really had lost my bad-assery.
momentarily, I mean I’m shit with directions anyway, but it took something that a month ago I saw as a great opportunity, when i had “no other options” to snap me the fuck out of it.
It wasn’t the opportunity I thought it was, BUT what it was, was a blessing in disguise.
It forced me to really have a look at myself, and where I started, where I came from and if it was really worth it – would it benefit me in the sense that I would come home at the end of the day, would I be happy with what I had achieved? to create & help someone else’s business grow? while mine sat in the corner, limp, and probably dead. Like that pot plant your grandma bought you last christmas that you vowed you would actually look after. but you didn’t. and now its dead. adulting 101.
And more than anything it taught me, that, no matter how good the offer is, its ok to say no.
I had started something for myself that came from a really good place, something that made me and does make me really happy. No degree, No training, No Experience, Just a girl from the country, that literally put her heart on her sleeve and put herself out there and had nothing to loose.
I remember walking down Rundle mall wearing the first ever jumper to come off the printer, and seriously, i felt like a fucking BOSS and you know what I’m not even one ounce sorry ’bout it.
One of the first order’s i made, i hand delivered it the next day to a beautiful girl in the city – i turned up to her work, she recognised me as soon as i walked in
The look on her face was priceless, and something that will stay with me for as long as i live, to some, it may just be a jumper or a shirt, but it’s so much more than that. And it always has been. To meet a stranger and have them tell you that you impacted their life, in a positive way, legitimately had me in tears, in her shop. yep. I’m that girl.
to see the joy, the empowerment and most of all the SMILES that people have on their faces just from wearing a shirt or a jumper, it’s indescribable – for girls & guys to take the time out of their day from all over the world to send me a message to say thank you, or who are comfortable enough to share THEIR stories with me is unbelievable.
people who have bought their first bikes, people who have started riding again or even people who just feel like something i did or said, that makes them a little bit more confident in being themselves..
seeing people wearing my stuff in photos, in real life, all around the world – blows my mind. every god damn day. here are all these people believing in me, and I’m fucking letting them down!
I was part of making that happen, and you know what, That shit is important to me.
And I’m not sure that you can put a price on it.
It made ME smile from deep deep down, like I’m talking i felt like i was coated in motherfucking glitter and walking on air strolling down rundle handing out stickers to people walking their bikes, dropping stickers in people’s helmets and baskets, not for any other reason but to make people smile.
That is priceless. It cannot be bought.
That feeling, of really truly being happy with what you’re doing – well.. you know I haven’t done the sums but i would be pretty stoked to eat black and gold oats for the next 10 years if it meant I could keep doing what gave me that feeling.
TRUST YOUR GUT
KNOW YOUR WORTH
DO WHAT FEELS RIGHT
if it doesn’t work out, in your heart, you know you made the right choice at the right time and maybe you’ll surprise yourself. and be able to dig that little bit deeper, push up over that hill without complaining, without stopping, getting off or crying (ahem, guilty) and you’ll get to the top ALL ON YOUR GODAMN OWN.
YOU got this far.